I wish life had little blips of pornography
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
