yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
