she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
my shit smells like andre
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
