That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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