My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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