Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
