Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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