Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
