Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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