I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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