I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
