Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
