Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
