I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
