totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
