STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
