i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I deserve this hangover.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize