mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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