FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
