Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
