There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
