Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize