I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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