i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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