I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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