I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize