taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
areolas are like halos for boobs.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
