why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
