Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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