Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
try to milk me bitch
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