I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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