i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My life is pants optional.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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