I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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