I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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