god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
