i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
