He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize