Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
