What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
