I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize