if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize