My liver just broke up with me...
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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