I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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