I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I love you. Go after that dick
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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