I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Watching her eat just hurts me
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
