I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
