Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize