Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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