I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
