those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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