i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
