Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize