So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i came on her dog
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Drunk is not a location!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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