Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
