Where is the hickey?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
