i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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