I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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