Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
