just tell him i said nine months
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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