I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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