FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
