I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
