Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
