I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
