he was CRYING into my vagina
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize