You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
