He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
