So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
