it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
