Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
