Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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