I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I understand Curling. That high.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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