I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
